Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
