I must be too annoying 4 u.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
