Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
