Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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