Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
