i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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