that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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