My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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