bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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