Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
