Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize