Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
