I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
