Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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