community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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