Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
