it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
