I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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