Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
