I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
