I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
