i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
