She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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