you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize