Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
