i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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