You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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