Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
