i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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