Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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