He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize