Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
