Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
