My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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