Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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