New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
