you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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