You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
