wakey wakey hands off snakey
I cut my penus on the lid.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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