Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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