Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
