so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
