you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
