Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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