You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
