yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
