you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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