My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
