A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
