I should be sponsored by Trojan
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
