it wasn't lemon gatorade
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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