u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
