He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
