So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
