I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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