We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im part way to drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
