Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
