oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
