I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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