Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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