i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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