Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
