Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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