how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
