did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
