apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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