Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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