I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
someone threw a dead crab at me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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