He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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