Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
