He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
