im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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