She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize