i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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