i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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