After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
