I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
