When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Randomize
