dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
