she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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