Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
