what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
