Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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