You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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