I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
