So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
