My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize