Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
