FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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