I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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