I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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