Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
