I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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