I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My life is pants optional.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
