return my video game
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
