It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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