I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
