Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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