she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
