is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
