I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
