I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
