Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
