i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The air was thick with penises
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize