Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
