Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and she was petting her beer can
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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