Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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