Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
