You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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