i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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