It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
