dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
