you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
