i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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