U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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