she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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